Lighten Your Load
Last week I taught a yoga class in Midtown Manhattan through the 4.8 magnitude earthquake that shook much of the Northeast US. Those of us gathered in the creative design agency's conference room were immersed in such a deep flow state that we didn't notice anything unusual until the emergency alerts on our phones started shrieking. And even then, noting by our intact surroundings that we were safe and feeling held in a protective bubble of co-regulation, our response was to have some right proper belly laughs that kept us giggling into our final relaxation.
Later that afternoon while standing on the rooftop of my apartment building in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, my friend and I felt the wobbliness of an aftershock. These terrestrial tremors got me thinking about grief. {You may be wondering: what doesn't get you thinking about grief, Zoë? Not a lot, my friend, not a lot.}
Loss, and its companion process grief, arrives as a major disruption that shakes us to our core, rattling our very foundation. As with earthquakes, there will likely be aftershocks of grief, and they usually come unexpectedly. The goal is not to be oblivious of them (like me and my yoga mates) or ignore them, but to be aware of them and stay regulated, stay with ourselves through them.
When we receive a shock, our bodies do what they can to reorient back to center, and we can actively support this process. It's important to be able to recenter quickly, not as a means of achieving emotional perfection🙄, but in order to preserve your precious energy and reduce the stress and harm to your bodymind caused by the uncontrollable natural forces of life. You are so worthy of care, and developing strategies to roll with the shockwaves while staying within your window of tolerance can be a valuable part of that care.
We don’t get over grief. We don’t move on from it, we move forward with it. If we are lucky to live long enough, grief will come again — fortunately, you can resource yourself with an emotional disaster preparedness kit of supportive tools to dance ever more skillfully and gracefully with grief, and return to your center of well-being with greater ease and fluency.
What students are Saying About Turning Toward Grief
“Grief seems to be a pervasive experience that is affecting each of us on some level these days. Whatever association you may have with grief, I highly recommend this course. Zoë is a masterful guide in creating a context to deepen our relationship to self through grief. There is a beautiful intentionality in the design of the course and many tools offered to support healing and forward movement. I really loved the new levels of awareness gained at various moments throughout the course. I now feel more resourced to be with the experience of grief.”
Grieving is a natural process, yet grief itself can feel like a very heavy load to bear – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My approach to grief works with the body to reveal what we are consciously or unconsciously grieving so that we can begin to digest it, compost it, and integrate it. Instead of being something we effort to block, hold, or carry, the love at the core of our grief becomes woven into us, enriching us like a nutrient.
Somatic work is one way to lighten your load. Sharing the labor is another.
I was recently speaking with an end-of-life client about the scope of my practice, naming all the support I could offer. After I laid out the menu, I noticed that the tone of her voice had shifted. She sounded unburdened, almost a bit excited. She confirmed my sense when she shared how much better she felt, how much lighter she felt in her body and mood just to learn the options that were available to her.
In the best of times, it is so hard to know what we don't know, and when you are facing challenging circumstances like loss, grief, and death, the unknown can feel stifling. You might feel frozen, stuck, or numb.
I'm here to help.
If you're curious about what I can do to ease your mental and emotional load, please browse the range of services I am able to provide either remotely (worldwide) or in person (NYC).
I am opening three spots for death & grief doula clients.
Ready to feel lighter? Write to me directly at hello@zoekosovic.com or complete the short questionnaire below.
How I’m Lightening My Own Load
Buzzing my hair has become a ritual that I look forward to with supreme delight. I feel both relieved and revealed. Usually I bleach my fuzzy nubbins right away, but for now I'm enjoying getting reacquainted with my silver hairs – symbols of time past and wisdom gained.
